Ghatotkacha by Unknown.
The story of Bhima and Hidimba actually made me feel a bit different compared to all the love stories from the Indian Epics. I wanted to focus on more of the emotional aspect of the couple and decided to write it up!
This felt different. He felt different.
The large family, in the tattered garment and heavy eyelids, took a seat under the tallest tree in my forest. Four of them looked like they were teetering on sleep as they settled into the lush grass.
"Be careful, dear. You are more than just strength. Wake up when trouble comes," said the older woman before curling up, her sleep overcoming her before she could have a word against it. Four of the five men with her followed her suit.
Yet the largest man, with full arms and strong legs, seemed unphased. He looked tired, I'm not sure how I knew but I did. Even the sound of my brother's blood lust could not distract me from the brave man's eyes. I wanted the eyes near me, on me. But I stayed still and exhaled instead and turned towards my brother.
My brother was the strongest beast in the forest. Sure, he may be willful and able to kill just about anything he wishes. And he does wish often. But I never respected him. Even as a young child, I never found a single hair on his body that did not fill me with rage.
"Why that family," I asked, hoping the tremble in my voice didn't give too much away.
"It's the ripest family we've seen in a while. And a family of five? When are we ever going to see that again?" He laughed, knowing the usual argument was coming.
"Why? We can just eat small animals and gather the rest. We don't have to kill them. They look...kind."
My brother stilled, looking in my eyes as if he's searching for something. "I'm going to hunt in 3 hours, whether you come with me or not." He stomped up the stairs, slamming the door shut. As I soon as I heard no more noise, I ran out. And I didn't stop until I was at the edge of the tree. He stood there, almost as if he were waiting.
I approached the trunk of the tree slowly and stopped. "Don't fear me, please."
"I don't," the man said simply, his deep voice making my stomach drop.
I shook off the fear and anxiety and looked him in the eyes. "My brother is coming. A true beast. If you don't leave you and your family will die at his hands. Please, just do as I say,"
He unphased as he was before I got there. He simply tilted his head. "And what happens to you if your brother finds out you warned his dinner?"
I looked behind me frantically, feeling a wave of nausea as the stench of my brother got closer. "Please, I'm begging you. Take your family and go."
"I asked about you." He jumped off the tree branch, landing right in front of me. "I can take your brother. And you too, really. But if your beast of a brother doesn't kill me, or even dies, come with me."
"You don't even know me," I said, my voice barely above a whisper.
"I know exactly who you are."
Bibliography:
The public domain of "Mahabharata-Bhimi and Hidimbi".
Hello Reety!
ReplyDeleteI thoroughly enjoyed reading your rendition of Bhima and Hidimba's love story. Perhaps you may consider using action beat dialogue to further elevate your story. Though, I do appreciate your dialogues, you can emotionally draw the attention of your readers even more with action beats as opposed to simply using the traditional talk dialogue: said, talked, asked, questioned, etc. Overall, your work is great!
Hi Reety!
ReplyDeleteI will admit, I'm a sucker for a cheesy romance novel. The style of your writing is similar to these types of novels. I think it was great! I liked how you narrated her feelings of curiosity for the stranger and the hatred for her brother. When it came time to warn the stranger of her brother, you can tell she was torn between her feelings for this stranger and the feelings of obligation and fear of her brother. Great job with this story!
Hi Rhett. Telling this story from Hidimbi's point of view was a wonderful twist. You really brought out the character's compassion, especially when compared to her brother's blood-lust. I also love the stoic, hero image of Bhimi as he jumps out of the tree to approach Hidimbi. The whole thing has this action movie meets romance vibe to it. Well done.
ReplyDeleteHey Reety! I first have to comment on your blog. I think the layout is really cool and is also very functional to navigate through. I loved being able to read your story this week. I always love romance stories and this one was especially entertaining to read. I thought the dialogue made it easy to visualize the emotion each character was experiencing, and made me feel for them too! Overall, great job!
ReplyDeleteHi Reety! I always like in this class when someone takes a story that we read and picks a character from one of the stories and takes it on a deeper level from that character point of view. I believe you managed to take the point of view from Hidimbi's and was able really show the different feelings she was experiencing towards all the different aspects talked about in the story, from the stranger to the feelings she had towards her brother. You did a really good job on showing her struggles with her feelings when she was deciding on how to warn the stranger about her brothers actions. The story was easy to read and follow so good job.
ReplyDeleteHi Reety! I think you have a very unique voice and style here. Great job! Some ways to improve this story would be to establish the narrator's gender and to use more names because the pronouns got confusing sometimes. Also, the beginning is a little confusing. Otherwise, you do a good job conveying an uneasy undertone in the story. Make sure to add a substantive author's note, and you're good to go!
ReplyDeleteHi Reety! Your style of writing and the way you structure your stories is done in a really unique way. You did a really good job at getting the point of view of Hidimbi's story and was able to give the reader a sense of what the characters feelings are when reading. I do agree with Alex though the use of pronouns and not knowing the names did make the story a little confusing. The use of the names would clear up a lot of the confusion when reading about who is who.
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